If you read my post on Yakuza 4, you’d know that my well-researched and completely unbiased conclusion was that Tanimura is an all-time weak Yakuza protagonist. He’s a cop, and not in the casual and irresponsibly pro-crime style of people like Date or Adachi. The power dynamics he brings to the table reframe the seedy underbelly of Kamurocho – particularly the sex industry elements – in a darker light. In other words, when he’s a pervert, it’s not in a fun way.

What incredible relief I felt, then, when I discovered that Yakuza 5 had unceremoniously discarded Tanimura like so many unneeded pocket tissues. For the vast majority of the game, he wasn’t even mentioned, as if his unsavory law enforcement presence had never darkened the comfortable refuge of New Serena at all. I didn’t notice a single reference until Akiyama mentioned him in passing in a substory toward the end of the game.

"Anyone remember Tanimura?" No, Akiyama, nobody does.

Most important, however, is Shinada, the new character who took Tanimura’s place. He feels like an answer to all of my criticisms, as if the developers had somehow read my post before it was written and crafted a man specifically to address my exact grievances. While Yakuza 4 offered a bunch of vaguely sexually threatening characters orbiting the serenely virginal Kiryu, Yakuza 5’s Shinada provided an antidote: an unabashed, wholesome pervert.

All Shinada wants to do is go to massage parlors. He writes about the sex industry from a first person perspective for a night life magazine, and while it’s a job he’s kind of settled for after a tragic career failure, he also seems to love it. He falls in love with every woman he meets.

Who wouldn't swoon at this kind of absolute idiot chat?

It wouldn’t be hard for a character like this to quickly veer into sleazy territory, but Shinada manages to keep it charming throughout. In large part, that’s because he has a Kiryu-like quality of consistent respect. He doesn’t seem to view sex work as a commodity for consumption, so much as an industry that he also works in as a peer.

When Shinada suggests that he and Milky, a friend and masseuse he frequents, run away together to start a new life, it’s not framed as an offer to rescue her, which I was initially concerned it might be. Instead, he seems to have no objection to her work, and the offer takes place outside of work, where they’re meeting as friends. He makes the offer simply because he really likes her. It’s charming, it’s romantic, and it’s downright wholesome.

"get my ham handled" is a tactful and gentlemanly phrase

While I ended Yakuza 4 relieved to learn that Tanimura would disappear afterwards, never to be heard from again, I ended Yakuza 5 disappointed to learn that Shinada would share the same fate. It’s especially tragic, given that Yakuza 6 features an entire in-depth minigame centered largely around recruiting washed-up baseball players for a local team. It would have been so easy to find room for Shinada there, even if just in a small cameo.

Now all we can hope for is that he finds his way to Ichiban’s party in the next Like a Dragon.